Question:
The randomest story gets 10 points!?
Nobody
2006-05-23 20:35:41 UTC
Make a completely random story!
Four answers:
windandwater
2006-05-23 20:53:14 UTC
I was fighting with a bull today and had him by the horns when a dog jumped into the pit and bit me. Not very hard but enough to make me let go of the bulls horns. Then the dog started chasing the bull around the pit but just as he was about to bite his leg the bull turned around and grabbed the bull by one of his horns. The bull couldn't shake him off since the dogs jaws had locked. Finally the bull walked up to me and said "Would you mind getting this dog off my horn?" I told him I'd be happy to so I grabbed the dog and unlocked his jaw with my wrench and threw him back into the pit. Then I looked at the bull eye to eye and he looked at the dog and the dog looked at me. We decided to call it a day and went our separate ways. On the way out of the pit I stepped in some bullsh**. So this is all bull pit or pit bull and the end of my random story but if you ever think a bull can't talk, it's true.
crophilia
2006-05-23 20:54:50 UTC
ok, i went out one night and got drunk. after leaving the pub at closing time i ran off down the road to get home cos i need to pee. anyhow, i couldnt wait so i went over to a dark bushy like corner of the car pnrk and squatted down for a pee, all of a sudden i shot back up yelling, forgetting that i had me knickers round me ankles!! id only squatted on a stinging nettle and stung my crotch!!!
sean
2006-06-04 09:58:22 UTC
hi one day i played a video game i was like boom blam bang
2006-05-23 21:08:26 UTC
i wrote this myself.



title: "I'm bored, really bored"



"Oh, Elvis and i were so silly (dramatic pause),

when we were together. We stayed up late in

Graceland's movie theater and ate our weight through

popcorn. And we made so many prank calls to the pizza

place around the corner. (trying to hold in the tears)

We were having the time of our lives. (having flash

backs) Water skiing in the Golden Gym's pool in

Graceland, it was our favorite hobby. We put tape over

our eyelids when we played hide & seek. (sniff, wipe

face with tissue) I miss him so much. And that is why

i have Elvis' 1st guitar with me. Some of the strings

are missing, because (smiling) Elvis got peanut butter

and banana sandwich all over the strings, so we took

the strings off and never replaced them. But,

otherwise I don't want to put the any new strings on

the guitar, because, it wouldn't have any sentimental

value. (having anther flash back) He played Mary had a

Little Lamb, on his guitar every Groundhog Day. And he

had this guitar when he got his teeth polished. Also

he had this while winning an eating contest. (burst

into tears) Deep in my heart Elvis will always be

there. (blow nose and pat eyes with tissue) When Lisa

Marie told me that he had died, I tried to comfort her

but, it only made me feel crushed inside. (cry and try

to stop but, still have a crying voice) After I

comforted her she went to her room and I picked up the

phone to call the funeral service,(dry tears) then i

saw a note on the table (crying hard) that Elvis made

that day, and and and it read, let's go to the theater

tonight, just like old times. (pound fist on table and

crumple tissue) I, I, I cried and begged for him to

live. (sniff, cough, sniff) The next day, I was a new

person (dramatic pause) without Elvis. And Elvis'

guitar will keep me alive in my saddest moments in

life. (look up) Elvis' music still goes on in every

room in my house, and my house has the spirit of Elvis

inside." Priscilla cries out. "Elvis!" Talk-show host

pats Priscilla on the back. "And yet another tragic

story, stay tuned cause we have yet another story

coming up." says the talk-show host.



The adventures of Bobby Jon and Johnny Bob part one



In the middle of nowhere lies a twenty-eight-year-old man named, Bobby Jon. He works on a farm with a younger brother named, Johnny Bob. Johnny Bob is a thirteen-year-old boy, who isn’t very smart, while Bobby Jon is a crazy man. They think they are the only two people on the Earth, until they find signs in the corn fields!





Johnny and Bobby go to checkout the corn fields one day, and they find a boy named, JP Bee. Johnny shouts, “An UFO, hit him with a shovel, Bobby Jon!” JP panics when he sees Bobby coming toward him with a shovel and JP shouts, “I come in peace!” Bobby is a weirdo sometimes and he says, “We’re gonna hold you captive, dude!” Johnny sings, “Music makes you lose control!” Johnny starts dancing while listening to his Ipod. Bobby starts cracking up. Bobby slaps Johnny across the face and yells, “Stop you’re goofin’, we got an alien to hold captive, dude!” And Bobby ties a rope around JP and starts dragging him.





JP exclaims, “But, I’m just your newspaper boy! What’s wrong with you crazy people?” Johnny is confused and starts to sing, “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don’t cha……don’t cha?!” Bobby slaps Johnny across the face and yells, “Will you just quit it? This is how we do it!” Bobby starts singing, “Sweet seduction in a magazine, endless pleasure in a limousine, in the back shakes a tambourine, nicotine from a silver screen” “We’ll have a dance off later!” says Johnny. “Punk.” whispers Johnny. “Whadcha, call me?” asks Bobby. “Punk, yah got a problem with that?” says Johnny and motioning “bring-it-on”. “Oh we settle this now!!!” shouts Bobby. Bobby lets go of pulling JP and punches both of Johnny’s eyes. Johnny can barely see out of his black eyes. He squints and he notices that JP is pulling a newspaper out of his bag. Johnny freaks out and shouts, “He’s armed with a weapon, I’ll call 911!” JP panics again while Bobby runs around while screaming. Johnny asks, “What’s the number for 911, dude?!” “867-530 niiiiiinnneeeeeeee!!” sings Bobby while listening to his Ipod. Johnny rolls his eyes and looks in the phone book that he keeps in the corn fields for emergencies. Like pizza. JP unties himself and escapes while everyone in distracted. While JP walks away he starts listening to his Ipod and sings, “It’s a fine day, people open windows, they leave their houses, just want a short walk. It’s a fine day. La la la la la dee da la la la la la la la da la la la It’s going to be a fine nite tonite It’s going to be a fine day tomorrow.”





Johnny whispers, “Why am I looking in the phone book?” Bobby is still screaming and Johnny slaps him across the face. Bobby slaps him back and shouts, “What was that for?!” “For screaming like a girl! And for punching me earlier!” shouts Johnny. “Well pull up your pants, they’re gonna fall down, plus I can see your boxers!” Bobby shouts back. “Well, why you lookin’?!” asked Johnny. “Stop touching me!” shouts Johnny. “I’m not airhead!” shouts Bobby. “Why are we in the cornfields?” asks Johnny. “Because we got work to do!” exclaims Bobby. Bobby sarcastically whispers, “What a smart boy.” Bobby picks up the newspaper and takes off the rubber bands and shoots it at Johnny’s butt. “Ow. Do I look like a target?” says Johnny. “Um let’s see…” smiles Bobby. “Don’t reply to that question. I know what you are going to answer.” says Johnny. “What? I was going to say that you do look like a target. You are annoying, you weird strangers out by talking in a fake Alabamian accent, you smell, you can’t get a girl, you sing songs but, your singing voice is horrible, and you are my younger brother.” explains Bobby. “Oh yah. Well you do the fake Alabamian accent to weird strangers out to, you are a male model which doesn’t make you seem manly at all then again you love football and baseball also you are muscular, you do get a lot of girls though, you do shower three times a day and always smell good, you are semi-mature, and you can sing, but I have one. You don’t have a girlfriend because all the girls think you were weird on survivor.” says Johnny. “Well you are the stupidest slacker I’ve ever met.” says Bobby. “That hurts Bobby, that hurts real bad.” Johnny says sarcastically, while putting his hand over his heart. JP walks by and shouts, “Read the sports section!” “I’m not really your brother Johnny. You signed up for an exchange program to see what it like is to live in another state blah blah blah. And you signed up for it at your school. And the sad part is that I got stuck with you for five years...” “Five years!!?!” exclaims Johnny. “Or more, or something like that.” replies Bobby. Johnny starts to feel light headed. Bobby continues, “I’m not really your distant brother. But, you are like a stupider, younger and shorter version of me.” explains Bobby. “Oh really? I thought it was some kind of contest thing, I don’t know. I wasn’t reading what the sign up sheet was for. But, I like it here. Troy, Alabama is a cool place. And…” says Johnny. Bobby tunes out the stuff Johnny is saying and goes back to his Ipod and sings, “One more time, we’re gonna celebraaete. Oh yeh aw huh, we’re gonna celebraaaete!”





Johnny is picking ears of corn and Johnny says, “Hey, let’s start that dance off!” No answer. Johnny looks around with his black eyes and he sees a flying saucer with Bobby inside. Johnny screams, “Holy Crap……………I dropped my Ipod.” Johnny bends over to pick up his Ipod and his pants fall down. “I guess Bobby Jon was right! My pants did fall down!” admits Johnny. He pulls his pants up after he picked up his Ipod. He starts walking and says, “I wonder where Bobby is.” He steps in the house and makes himself corn on the cob. He takes a bite and sings with his mouth full, “Yo listen up here's a story about a little guy that lives in a blue world and all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue like him inside and outside. Blue his house with a blue little window and a blue corvette. And everything is blue for him and hisself and everybody around. Cos he ain't got nobody to listen to. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...

I have a blue house with a blue window. Blue is the colour of all that I wear. Blue are the streets and all the trees are too. I have a girlfriend and she is so blue. Blue are the people here that walk around, blue like my corvette, its standing outside. Blue are the words I say and what I think. Blue are the feelings that live inside me. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...Inside and outside blue his house. With the blue little window and a blue corvette

And everything is blue for him and hisself. And everybody around cause he aint got

Nobody to listen to. I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...I'm blue (if I was green I would die)”





Johnny looks in the mirror and admires both himself and his shoes. But, the mirror breaks when he looks into it. He throws it on the ground and says, “Now that’s just messed up!” Johnny doesn’t notice that outside Bobby is screaming Johnny’s name. Johnny turns on his Ipod and starts singing and dancing. Two hours later, Bobby comes in and knocks Johnny’s hat off and yells, “I’ve been calling your name and you weren’t responding at all! You were just in your own stupid world, while aliens wanted to examine my brain! Good thing I’m muscular or those aliens would have eaten me!” “You can't be me, I'm a Rock Star. I'm rhyming on the top of a cop car. I'm a rebel and my .44 pops far.

IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW! Guess, you ain't heard that we swallow guys. It's too damn late ,to apologize. When you see the mantle or when you see the skies . IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW!” sings Johnny. “Are you even listening to me?!!!” yells Bobby. “Oh did you say something?” asks Johnny. “Yes you dumbbell I said…” Johnny interrupts and says, “No I heard you, I was just messing with you!” Johnny starts laughing and Bobby slaps him. “Ow, that was my black eye!” cries Johnny. “You’re lucky I didn’t slap both of them.” says Bobby. “I need a sorry from you.” cries Johnny. “Well I never apologize, and plus I need to go to Guatemala for tonight’s jury.” says Bobby in a rush. “Oh, you should shave and wear that cute orange shirt!” says Johnny. “So now you think I’m cute?” asks Bobby while shaving and putting on his orange shirt and khakis. “No!” says Johnny quickly. “Well I don’t have time for slapping you or making you look like a fool, so I’ll be off now! says Bobby and he puts down his razor and rushes out the front door.





Later JP walks in and says, “I quit my job and now …….I’m a fashion expert!” JP rushes into Johnny’s closet and says, “Wow, you are such a slob. Wash these clothes once in a while, it won’t do you harm!” Johnny says, “Thanks, for saying that, you know I don’t need to have another Bobby in here, good day.” “But, I….?” says JP. “I said good day!” screams Johnny. “I’m just messing with yah…” Johnny gets slapped across the face by JP before he gets a chance to finish his sentence. “Will people just quit doing that?! I’m such a slap magnet today!” yells Johnny. “I hate my new job it’s the only one I could get. Troy, Alabama is messed up with there hiring young kids to do adult jobs. Being a fashion expert is not me at all. It’s man like, but it’s the only thing I have until I can get a better job. It makes me act like a girly man and I need to act like I can be a fashion expert.” explains JP.





Johnny goes back to his Ipod and looks at JP and says, “Hi, I’m Johnny Bob, but you can’t say your name cause I’m going to guess it.” JP looks at Johnny with a raised eyebrow waiting for an answer. “Is it Gloria?” asks Johnny. “No that’s a girl’s name!” shouts JP. “Sorry, you look like one!” says Johnny in a laughing voice. JP slaps Johnny and Johnny sings, “What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?” “And you jerk it out!!” sings JP. Johnny says, “I can sing better than you. I’ve got a cute face, chubby waist, thick legs in shape…” “Push me and then just touch me till I can get my satisfaction…satisfaction.” sings JP. “Let’s compromise!” sings Johnny motioning bring-it-on. “Oh we settle this now!” says JP and punches Johnny right in the stomach and Johnny falls backwards. “I’m so bet up today!” screams Johnny on his knees as the raises his hands up to the ceiling and looks up. “Everybody 1, 2 step!” sings Johnny.





Bobby finally reaches tribal council and sees everyone looks at him surprised. Bobby sits down on the jury bench and pretends like he is listening to the conversation going on. He starts singing, “I’m too sexy for my shirt, to sexy for my shirt so sexy that it hurts.” Before he knows it Jamie has been voted off. That was good, because next tribal council his buddy Jamie will be sitting with him.





Johnny and JP just finished their dance off when Bobby walks in the door. Bobby looks at JP and kicks JP out the door. Johnny and Bobby go to bed and Johnny starts singing, “Sweet dreams are made of these!” Bobby turns on the light and slaps Johnny across the face, then turns off the light. Johnny whispers in his mind, “These chicks don't even know the name of my band.” Bobby turns on the light and slaps Johnny across the face and sings, “You drive me crazy and I just can’t sleep!” he turns off the light and Bobby falls asleep. Johnny takes out a mirror and it breaks when he smiles, but he still admires himself.



Moral of story: Never overly admire yourself!



No people were harmed in the making of this story.

Also Johnny won the dance off!

No one knows besides Johnny but, the signs in the corn fields were made by Johnny practicing driving a tractor. Johnny did it when Bobby was still on Survivor. Not all these songs might be your favorites, so that’s not my problem!





“Is this the end or just a new beginning, one last song for all you lovely people out there tonight!” says Johnny. “Johnny go to sleep! No one besides me is in this bedroom and I’m the only one that sings last!” “Says who?” “Oh do we need to have another talk?” “Yeh lets take this outside!” “Okay let’s go!” “Alright!” And Johnny runs outside and Bobby turns on the sprinkler system and Johnny gets soaked. “Brothers, never learn.” Johnny comes in and bends over Bobby’s bed and spits water on Bobby’s face. Johnny motions “bring it on”. Bobby punches Johnny and Bobby says, “It’s been brought.” Johnny lies unconscious on the ground and Bobby leans over his bed and says, “Good night don’t let the floor bugs bite.” Bobby says, “This is one of my favorites. I’m a survivor, I’m not gon give up, I’m not gon stop, I’m gon work harder. I’m a survivor, I’m gon make it, I will survive. Keep on survivn’!” Johnny wakes up and says, “Oh, um, okay, bye!”





The adventures of Bobby Jon and Johnny Bob part two





In the middle of nowhere lies a twenty-eight year old man named, Bobby Jon. He works on a farm with a younger brother named, Johnny Bob. Johnny Bob is a thirteen-year-old boy, who is, well; lazy, yes he just doesn’t try. Bobby Jon is just a, “crazy man”. They think they are the only two people on the Earth, until they find signs in the corn fields! But actually the signs were made by Johnny Bob practicing driving a tractor.



In the morning Johnny wakes up from being unconscious, and puts on his clothes. Johnny runs to the kitchen and pours chocolate milk in a bowl of his favorite cereal. Then, Bobby wakes up and starts his day off with a workout. Bobby changes his clothes and makes his way to the treadmill. Bobby ran for fifteen minutes and went to the kitchen. Bobby takes out some raisin bran and yells, “Johnny you ate all the raisin bran!” Johnny jumps and says, “It wasn’t me! I swear!” Bobby yells, “Raisin bran is my favorite cereal and I just bought this yesterday on my way back from Guatemala. I wanted this to be a perfect day and no raisin bran. You did eat it didn’t you!” Johnny says relieved, “Oh you were talking about your raisin bran, I thought you found out I fed your Sports Illustrated magazine to the garbage disposal.” Johnny starts cracking up while saying good times, good times. Bobby slaps Johnny across the face and yells, “Then who ate my raisin bran!” “Oh”, Johnny says, “That went down the disposal to.” Johnny gets slapped by Bobby.





“Why?”, exclaims Johnny. “Because.”, says Bobby. “But why, you know….” Johnny says in a reassuring voice, “Violence is not the answer.” “Whatever!” says Bobby in a teenager’s voice. “Do we still have soy milk?” asked Bobby. “Oh that stuff is nasty, so I put that down the disposal to when I was cleaning out the fridge.” says Johnny. “But, Bobby it was so cool when I put your magazine down the disposal. It was like confetti blowing all around the kitchen! It was like New Years Eve all over again!” said Johnny while having that flash-back. Bobby knocks Johnny in the back of the head and Johnny’s face splashes in to the cereal bowl with chocolate milk spraying everywhere. “And that’s like water world all over again!” laughs Bobby. Bobby says while walking out the door, “I’m going to be gone for awhile, so can you go grocery shopping for me? The grocery list is on the counter.”





Bobby hops into his metallic blue convertible that is worth over a million dollars and drives away to the lake a couple miles away. He gets out of the car and paddles out on his boat. Bobby says, “Hopefully my day will get better.” Bobby takes out his I pod and starts listening to his favorite artists like, The String Cheese Incident, Widespread Panic etc. Bobby catches a fish and releases it. Two hours later, Bobby gets in his car and drive to the modeling agency.





Meanwhile, Johnny stops listening to his I pod and takes the grocery list. “I guess I’ll do this now.” says Johnny as he walks out the door. Johnny takes his bike and starts riding to the grocery store. He spots JP Bee and Johnny yells, “Gloria you came back for me!” “Johnny, that’s not my name, dude. My name is JP, remember?” says JP. “So, Gloria are you still a fashion expert?” asked Johnny. “No, now I’m a DJ.” says JP. Johnny yells, “Shut up Gloria, I’m trying to listen to my I pod but, your mouth keeps flapping!” “But you asked me a question.” says JP. JP gives Johnny his card, Johnny says, “Gloria, why does your card say DJ JP?” “Because my name is JP!” shouts JP. “Sorry Gloria but, I need to go to the grocery store.” says Johnny. Johnny screams, “I’ll be back for you baby!!!!” JP walks away saying, “What a freak!”





Johnny reaches the grocery store and locks his bike up on the bike rack. Johnny enters the world famous Piggly Wiggly grocery store and reads the list, “Raisin Bran, Soy Milk, Watermelon scented cologne, atmosphere candles, Miller High Life what I can’t buy that I’m to young, snickers, chocolate chip cookies, bananas, Axe, Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner, Garnier Fructis soft curl cream, and trail mix.” Johnny starts looking for the Axe.





Bobby reaches the modeling agency and his cell phone starts playing the song, “Shiny Disco Balls” by Who Da Funk. Bobby answers and says, “Waz’ up?” Johnny says, “Sorry Bobby but I’m under the drinking age so I can’t buy your Miller High Life.” Bobby says, “Oh that’s right, you can call my agent and he’ll buy it.” Johnny exclaims, “You have an agent?” “Yeh, I’m a model remember.” says Bobby. “You are!!!!!” shouts Johnny. “But, aren’t you a waiter Bobby!” “Yes, but I’m also a model. I thought you new that.” says Bobby. Johnny becomes speechless. Bobby hangs up on Johnny and goes to the make up room to get ready for his photo shoot.





A couple hours later Johnny has one thing left on his list, watermelon scented cologne. Johnny rides the cart down the aisle as if the cart were a scooter. A thirteen year old boy jumps out of the way. Johnny stops to check if the guy is okay. Johnny says; “Are you okey dokey?” the guy stands, “Yeah, thanks ummmm?” “The names Bob, Johnny Bob but, you can call me Johnny for short.” says Johnny. “But you can’t say your name because I’m going to guess it, I’m physic like that you know?” says Johnny. The guy looks at him with a raised eyebrow waiting for an answer. Johnny says, “Hold on it’s coming to me…….let’s see it starts with an A…….is it…..Gloria?” The guy says, “It’s Aren.” “Oh, really I thought it was…….I don’t know.” Johnny says, “Do you know where the watermelon scented cologne is?” Aren takes the bottle off the shelf and hands it to him. Johnny calls Bobby.



Bobby is in wardrobe at this time and Bobby answers his phone and says, “Waz’ up dude?” “You have your own line of cologne?!” yells Johnny. “Yeah, there was never watermelon scented cologne so, I made my own line called, “Experience by Bobby Jon.” Johnny is speechless. Bobby hangs up on Johnny and starts his photo shoot. The camera guy says, “Work it, come on let me see some anger. That’s it! Great! That’s the cover shoot right there people!!!” Bobby drives home and Johnny stands against the door and whispers, “There’s a burglar in there.” Bobby takes a shovel and runs through the door and turns around and slaps Johnny on the face and says, “That’s my agent, Aren!” “Oh, I knew that.” Johnny says in an uncomfortable voice. Aren waves hello and gives Bobby ice breakers liquid ice. “Alright it’s ice!” shouts Bobby. “No, it’s liquid!” exclaims Johnny. “Ice!” “Liquid!” “Ice!” “Liquid!” “Ice!” “Liquid!” “Ice!” “Liquid!” “Ice!” “Liquid!” “Ic..” “It’s both!!” shouts Aren.



Johnny puts away the groceries and plays football with Bobby. JP walks in and looks at Aren and says, “I’m JP, what’s your name?” “Aren.” says Aren. “What?” says JP. “I don’t repeat things more than once.” says Aren. JP goes outside and Johnny and Bobby are having a slap fight. JP goes in like a referee and breaks up the fight. “Hey you guys, who is that guy in there?” asked JP. “What there’s an UFO? Hit him with a shovel Bobby Jon!” shouts Johnny. Bobby slaps Johnny and Bobby says, “Air head that’s Aren!” Johnny says, “Dejahvoo.”



Johnny opens his mouth wide and has a dramatic flashback. Johnny twitches and laughs during his flashback. Johnny finally finishes his flashback and everyone had left him standing out there to go inside and play football on Bobby’s new PS3. Johnny walks inside and everyone punches Johnny. Johnny gets knocked out and Aren asks, “Why did we do that?” “The question is why wouldn’t we do that.” says Bobby. JP and Aren follow Bobby around and Bobby opens his closet and JP screams, “Your closet is like a beautiful dream!!!!!!” JP all most faints but Aren slaps him before he did. “Yeah, JP I’m a model you know what I mean!” sings Bobby.



Johnny walks in and looks at the guys and says, “Wow, look at the time it’s……..DANCE OFF TIME!” They all start dancing and Aren eventually tied the dance off with Johnny.



The end







Bobby Jon and Johnny Bob part three



The next day Johnny wakes up and sees Aren looking down at him. “Holy crap, you’re such a jerk! I wake up and see you standing over me, that’s just wrong! Have you ever heard of personal space?!?!!!! I hate you, you’re such a jerk!!!” shouts Johnny as he falls of the top of the bunk bed and hits the ground. “You were mumbling in your sleep and well the truth is that I was putting a tic tac in your mouth because ……your breath stinks, okay I admit it! Just stop looking at me like that.” shouts Aren. “I still hate you, you’re such a jerk and I was supposed to win the dance off!!! My breath smells fine you jerk. And I hate the red tic tacs anyway!” shouts Johnny. Bobby rolls off of the bottom bunk and lands on Johnny. Johnny pushes Bobby off of him and makes his way to the kitchen. Bobby wakes up and says, “Oh hi Aren isn’t it a great day to model swimsuits!” “Why yes Bobby it certainly is, I guess?!” replied Aren. “Was that my brother who went hence so fast?” said Bobby. “Why yes it was, hey are you quoting from Shakespeare?” asked Aren.





“In a way yes I said brother instead of father, but who cares I really need a shower! I hate quoting from plays in the morning, it’s just so unnatural for a handsome model to do.” said Bobby. “At least someone cares about personal hygiene in this house besides me.” mumbles Aren. “BOBBYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” shouts Johnny. Bobby and Aren run to the kitchen and see Johnny on the ground in tears. “It hurts!” weeps Johnny. “I don’t want to know what hurts.” says Aren. “It’s not like that Aren, if it was, oh disturbing image!” shouts Bobby. “Ewww!” exclaims Aren. “No no it’s just looking at Johnny his so, ugly.” explains Bobby. “I know Johnny is so ugly!” exclaims Aren. “Anyway, as I was saying Johnny is crying over something else.” says Bobby. “So Johnny what’s the matter?” asks Aren. “The pain, the agony, the throbbing heart, the heart, the muscle that I use to love! It hurts!” “You can’t love with that defective heart of yours anyway.” says Bobby. Aren and Bobby look at each other knowing that Johnny is just faking to get attention. Bobby heads to the shower while Aren goes outside for a morning walk.





Johnny wipes his eyes with a tissue and blows his nose. He stands up and looks around. Johnny walks outside and catches up with Aren. “Aren, are you my friend?” asks Johnny. “I suppose? Why do you ask?” asks Aren. “Well if you’ve noticed I don’t really have many friends. All I have is you, Bobby and Gloria.” says Johnny. Aren completely ignores Johnny talking and Aren shouts, “Hey, how’s it going?” Johnny looks up and sees Aren running toward a girl that looks somewhat familiar. “Hey Aren what are you doing here in Alabama?” says the familiar girl. “I’m an agent for my friend who lives here. What are you doing here?” asks Aren. “Its summer vacation, so I thought I’d come here.” says the girl.





Johnny stares at them realizing that Aren actually gets a conversation to start with a girl. “Um, Aren?” says Johnny. “Oh sorry, Johnny this is Cassie, Cassie this is Johnny.” says Aren. “We’ve met.” says Cassie. Aren gets tapped on the shoulder by another friend. “TRAVIS! Hey!” shouts Aren. Johnny pulls out his cell phone and calls Sam. “Hello.” “Hi is Sam there?” “You’re talking to him. Who is this?” “Johnny.” “Why are you calling me?” “Can you fly down here to Alabama?” “I’m already here.” “Wow your fast!!” “No it’s summer vacation.” “You seem really bored.” “Shut up! Don’t call me. Why do you have my number??” “I can’t answer that. Um, okay…bye.” Johnny hangs up and sees that Sam was twenty steps away from him. “Hi.” says Johnny. Sam walks away to the airport. “Well that was interesting. At less I get a bigger part in this story than him.” says Johnny. “This day is completely bizarre, first Bobby quoting from Shakespeare which was very awkward, then the dramatic heart thing that I did which didn’t make sense at all, then all these freaks decide to come down to Troy, Alabama for summer vacation and some how meet on the same sidewalk at the same time for some odd reason, and Sam just walks to the airport and I won’t see him again for the rest of the story. Hey, now Gloria just happens to be on the same sidewalk as all these people. Wait, Gloria? It’s Gloria! Gloria wait up!!”





Bobby gets out of the shower and blow dries his hair while putting on his watermelon scented cologne. Bobby steps out of the bathroom and goes to his and Johnny’s bedroom. “I hope this will be worth the money.” says Bobby as he puts a small present on Johnny’s pillow. Bobby changes into his clothes and drives to pick up Aren from his morning walk. Bobby gets in his car and drives to where he always picks up Aren in the morning. Bobby spots Aren in a crowd and shouts, “Aren over here!!” But Aren is still talking and the crowd starts walking with him. Bobby slowly drives his fire red convertible and follows the group. Aren turns around and sees Bobby. “Bobby!! You’re going to be late for the photo shoot!! Why didn’t you come earlier?” shouts Aren. “You know Aren, you should be the one picking me up. You are my agent.” explains Bobby. Aren rolls his eyes and gets in the car.





“Nice!!” exclaims Johnny. “Shut up.” whispers JP. JP goes back to reading. “Nice!!” exclaims Johnny. “Shut up!” whispers JP. JP rolls his eyes and flips through his magazine. “Nice!!” exclaims Johnny. JP slams his magazine on the table and glares at Johnny. “Shut up!!” semi-whispers JP, “We’re in a library. And what’s so nice?” Johnny points to three girls standing at the coke machine. Johnny starts walking over to them. “Johnny, you idiot.” semi whispers JP. “It’s his funeral.” exclaims JP. “Hey.” says Johnny to the three girls. The girls turn to him and giggle at his pathetic approach toward them. The girls smile at him and the first girl says, “The comic book isle is missing a geek.” As she points at the comic book Johnny is holding in his right hand. The second girl giggles and says, “Attention there is a lost child in the library descriptions, five foot eight, ugly, is holding a comic book and belongs to his cute boyfriend over there.” The second girl points to JP and blows a kiss. All the girls laugh and wave to JP. The third girl says, “You know you are looking for trouble.” “Oh really.” says Johnny while he raises an eyebrow. The librarian taps Johnny on the shoulder and Johnny turns around and gasps. “Out of my library or stay away from my daughters.” says the scary librarian. The name tag on the librarian says, ‘Ms. Bo-bal-li’. Johnny walks away and sits next to JP. “I wonder what those girls are saying now.” The girls look at him and say at the same time, “Loser.” “They like me.” says Johnny.





“Why are you so good with girls?” asks Johnny to JP. “Cause your not.” laughs JP. JP stops laughing and looks at Johnny. “I just don’t get, how such an ugly librarian can have such beautiful daughters?” asks Johnny. JP shrugs. Johnny asks, “Are you my boyfriend?” “Hell no!” JP almost shouts. The librarian walks by and says, “That’s a warning.” JP backs away from Johnny and says, “Are you mad?” “No just the girls over there called you my boyfriend and they think you’re cute.” explains Johnny. “Okay but let me make this clear, I like girls and I will never ever be your boyfriend. Do you un..der..stand?” says JP slowly. “Yeh and Gloria you are not my type.” jokes Johnny. JP rolls his eyes and goes back to reading. “Johnny.” says JP. “Yeh.” says Johnny, “You’re not my type either.” says JP. “Gloria?” asks Johnny. “Stop calling me Gloria!!” screams JP. “OH, so that’s how it’s going to be. Well stop insulting my looks!” says Johnny. “You don’t have any looks, airhead!!” shouts JP. Johnny gasps. “Well your mother wears a toupee!” says Johnny. “Uh, Johnny you might want to keep your voice down.” whispers JP. “Hah! You can bet that insult, you know what else…” Johnny gets a tap on the shoulder. Johnny’s eyes widen. “Do you prefer kicked out with guards or with my new black boots.” asks the ugly librarian. JP and Johnny run outside before the guards get a chance to grab them.





“Work it! Carl turn up the fan more I want Bobby’s hair to blow around. Okay Bobby scowl, that’s it now spin around. Alright I need a pose, another one, come on work it, I need different poses. Yeh, now give me that dreamy glare of yours. Oh yah. Bobby you are heaven in a swim suit!” says Trevor the camera man. Bobby smiles and walks out the door. Bobby puts on his shirt and Aren says “Bobby your great! You are Alabama’s most eligible bachelor.” “Whatever.” says Bobby as he gets in his convertible. Bobby starts the engine and press on the gas pedal so the car starts roaring. Aren gets in the car and hands Bobby a water bottle. Bobby starts driving home and says, “Aren do you enjoy begin my agent? Because when I saw you today hanging out with your friends you seemed so happy.” “Bobby I do enjoy being your agent but, if I leave you no one will want to be your agent because you’re a loser. Plus I’ll think your pretty cool for a twenty eight year old guy model.” says Aren. “Whatever, as long as you’re my friend. And we go out to the bowling alley. Call Johnny and tell him that we won’t be home till ten, and don’t tell him were going bowling say something else.” says Bobby. Aren dials his cell phone and Johnny answers, “Hello.” “Hey Johnny, Bobby has an important photo shoot to attend to and we won’t be back till ten. Okay?” says Aren. “Okay. Hey JP and I want to go to the bowling alley, are they open today?” says Johnny. “Uh, no! Besides you remember what happened last time.” says Aren. Johnny says quickly, “I thought Bobby only knew that! And that bowling ball hurt Bobby’s toe bad. I told him to wear shoes not sandals.” Beep! “Hello? Aren you still there?” says Johnny. Johnny hangs up. And JP and Johnny start walking toward Johnny’s house.





“JP lets go to the downtown farmers market/ fair thing.” says Johnny. “Sure.” says JP. “Really, you’ll go with me Gloria?” asks Johnny. “No. I have better things to do.” replies JP. “Like what?” asks Johnny. “Two words, new clothes. But, you need them more than me. Let’s go to the mall. I’ll let you pick the mall.” says JP. “OH, how about Pacific Coast Mall?” says Johnny. “Alabama doesn’t have a coast.” explains JP. “Well I didn’t name the mall.” “Okay I’ll go. I never been there before. Let’s take the bus.” “I’m not allowed on the bus. I was singing on the bus and the bus driver took my bus card and yelled at me in a different language.” explains Johnny. “That is almost as sad as Aren being Bobby’s agent. Aren is only thirteen, and he’s works for a twenty eight year old model. How messed up is that? It’s like a fairy tale or even a horror movie.” says JP. “I feel sad for him, but I feel sad because I need to walk to the mall.” says Johnny. “Can’t Bobby pick us up?” asks JP. “He’s at an important photo shoot. And he won’t be back until ten.” says Johnny. “How many cars does Bobby own?” asks JP. “Twenty three.” replies Johnny. “And we could take one of his cars to the mall and back before ten right?” asks JP. Johnny and JP both smile as they race toward the garage.





“Strike!” shouts Bobby. Aren gives him a high five and says, “Bobby the reason why I hang out with you is because you are cool and you know what personal hygiene is. Johnny just doesn’t get it. He is cool to hang out with but, he smells bad sometimes.” “Point?” says Bobby. “You don’t smell bad like Johnny.” says Aren. “And?” Bobby asks. “You are smarter and cooler than Johnny.” “Because?” Bobby asks. “Johnny is pretty immature and very smelly and you are mature and cleanly.” “So?” Bobby asks. “I don’t like things that smell bad, especial when someone has bad B.O.” “Why?” Bobby asks as he eats nachos. “Bad smells make me feel queasy, and bother me.” explains Aren. “Continue.” Bobby says. “I like people who are not immature but not to mature. Like semi mature, so the person is still fun to hang around with. And B.O is just nasty.” “Finally?” Bobby asks. “Mature people are boring, immature people are annoying and personal hygiene is important.” explains Aren. “Point?” Bobby asks. “Stop it! Now you’re annoying. Is it my turn to bowl?” Aren asks. “Wake up mister therapy patient, your therapist has been waiting for you to bowl for the last five minutes!” Bobby shouts. Aren gives Bobby a dirty look and rolls the bowling ball and knock down four pins. Aren sighs and says, “Maybe I should hang out with Johnny. What do you think Bobby?” “Hey, I don’t want to start that whole conversation again. I put a lot of thought and compassion into that conversation five minutes ago. And I’m tired out from it. I came here to bowl and get away from Johnny’s dropping bowling ball hands of doom. Not to consult your feelings. Now bowl.” says Bobby. Aren bowls. “Spare!” Aren shouts. “Don’t get your hopes up Aren. I’m going to win.” Bobby says.





“Which car should we choose?” Johnny asks. JP’s jaw drops and he points. “Did I die and go to heaven?” JP asks. “No.” says Johnny. JP slaps Johnny and says, “Look you Neanderthal!” “Holy crap! That’s some car! What kind of car is it?” Johnny asks. “A red mustang convertible, moron! You need to put up the top in a parking lot though. Someone could steal the car.” shouts JP. “I’m driving!” shouts Johnny. “Okay but don’t let any cops notice us. And if Bobby finds out it’s your fault.” says JP. “That’s fair enough. I get to drive!!” Johnny shouts. JP opens the garage and Johnny backs out the car. “Careful Johnny, don’t dent the car!” JP shouts over the roar of the engine. “Just get in the car. It’s already 3:09!” Johnny shouts back. JP gets in the car and Johnny drives the car to the highway entrance. “Wahoo!!” JP and Johnny both scream. Johnny shouts, “JP if this idea works out well, I’ll be your best friend!” “Who would want to be your best friend or even friend.” laughs JP. “Shut up!” shouts Johnny as he turns the car into the mall parking lot. “Johnny!?! Why is everything in Japanese here?” asks JP. “Not everything. See that sign says no parking in the yellow zone between the times of 6:00am and 10:00am.” explains Johnny. “Why do you even bother asking girls out? You’re such an airhead, you only care about you and other cute girls, you don’t care about school, you have the brain of a 4th grader, and you are such an annoying loser.” says JP. “That hurt. Sniff sniff! And when you said, I only care about me and other cute girls, are you calling me a cute girl?” asks Johnny. “You aren’t a cute girl. Or even cute or even a girl!!” explains JP. “Duh, I know I’m not a girl. And I’m not cute, I’m hot!” explains Johnny as he licks he’s finger and touches it on he’s butt. “I feel sad for you.” says JP. Johnny and JP walk inside and go into a store with all Japanese anime. “JP, welcome to paradise.” says Johnny. “My paradise is an Earth without out you.” mumbles JP. “Hello, if you have any questions just ask.” says the cashier. “Denzel!” says the subtitles on an anime movie. Johnny watches the movie on a hello kitty TV screen. The seventeen-year-old girl runs around looking for her younger brother, while people are running around and screaming because of guns shooting and killing people. She finds Denzel and he’s head is looking down at the ground, “Denzel!” The girl grabs he’s shoulder and crouches down at him. The boy looks up with a sad expression. Then the movie shows two “bad guys” on top of a high building looking around. Johnny is mesmerized by the movie and JP walks around and looks at the stuff. “There’s: Jack Skeleton, Hello Kitty, a bunch of anime cartoons, a really cute black square pig, a really cute white square pig, T-shirts, Lucky Cat key chains, Monchichi or however you pronounce it, DVDs, anime girls, facial cream, pillows, tote bags, cell phone keychain, and a cashier who speaks English.” says JP. “Johnny, let’s go.” says JP. “Hold on I want to buy some stuff.” says Johnny. Johnny buys: the movie he was watching, comic books, drawing paper, candy, and facial cream. “Johnny, you don’t do facials. Do you?” asks JP. “No, it’s for Bobby.” Johnny makes his purchases and JP and Johnny leave the store. “Johnny there is a real mall across the street. Let’s get in and out of that mall and go back to your house.” says JP. “Okay.” sighs Johnny. And they run across the street to the “Outlet Mall”.





“Okay Aren I won. We have five more hours. Let’s jog to the Outlet mall.” says Bobby. “Cool with me, but who is going to take your car back to your house.” asks Aren. “Aren call Chad as I like to call him. He’ll take care of it.” says Bobby. “Okay.” says Aren and he pulls out his cell phone from his pocket. Aren and Bobby start jogging. Aren finishes his call and looks at Bobby’s hair. “Cosmopolitan magazine was right. Your hair does bounce when you jog.” says Aren. “I’m tired of people treating me like a celebrity. I’ve done modeling for three years and I’m moving back to LA next week!” says Bobby. “What!?!” yells Aren. “I moved to LA to model and I left LA to model here. But, I’m tired of Alabama; LA has palm trees and a coast line. I can actually wear swim trunks on a beach there. Here it’s all fake.” explains Bobby. Aren stops jogging and thinks this over, Bobby slows down and looks at Aren. “Aren? What’s the matter?” asks Bobby. “You’ll leave me and I’ll never see you or Johnny again. And I’ll need to go back to what I was before I met you, a boy with an average life. You taught me so much and we became such good friends, and now you’re leaving me.” says Aren slowly. “Aren, I….” says Bobby. But, Aren just runs away. Bobby runs toward Aren. “Aren, come back!” shouts Bobby.





JP and Johnny walk inside the mall. “Finally, words that aren’t in Japanese!” says JP. JP takes Johnny to a men’s clothing store called, ‘DJV’. “What does DJV stand for JP?” asks Johnny. The cashier says, “It stands for Do Just Vogue. So don’t wear old clothes, wear the newest fashions is what DJV really means.” “That was creepy, the cashier just appeared behind that counter.” whispers Johnny to JP. “Johnny the cashier is always behind the counter. You are too stupid for words.” says JP. JP helps Johnny pick out some clothes to try on and JP gets some clothes for himself. They walk to the dressing rooms. “Hey stop you need to get in line.” says the lady who checks how many items a person needs to try on. Johnny and JP stand behind a guy. “Next!” shouts the short lady. JP and Johnny are next. “You back of the line. Only one person can go in at a time.” says the short lady. Johnny goes to the back of JP and waits. “Okay you have four items.” says the mean lady. She hands JP a card that has the number four on it. JP looks at her name tag it says, ‘Ms. Bo-bal-li’. “Next!” shouts the mean lady. Johnny hands her the clothes and she starts counting them. “Why do you work in a men’s clothing store? You’re not and man but, with that unwaxed lip of yours, you do look similar to one.” asks Johnny. The short lady gives Johnny’s clothes back and shouts, “Back of the line!” “I’m the only person in line though.” says Johnny. The lady hands him a card that has the number six on it. And she says, “Do you kiss your mother with that kind of mouth?!” “No. no one wants to kiss me.” replies Johnny. The lady gives Johnny an evil eye and Johnny steps slowly away from her. Johnny walks in the dressing room and says, “I swear that lady was going to attack me. I don’t know what I did wrong.” “Her name is, Ms. Bo-bal-li and she probably just thought you’re annoying.” explains JP. “Her name was Ms. Bo-bal-li! That is the same name of the librarian at the library we were at today!” exclaims Johnny as he finds a room to change in. JP shouts from the room next to him, “That’s creepy! I never want to meet another person named, Ms. Bo-bal-li!”





Johnny shouts, “Come out of your dressing room and tell me how these pants look on me!” “Okay, just hold on a second!” shouts JP. Johnny walks out of his dressing room and so does JP. “I think those pants look great on you.” exclaims JP. “Really? There kind of tight, I think I need the next size up.” says Johnny. “Gloria, I’ll be right back I need to go to the bathroom. Can you watch me clothes for me?” asks Johnny. “Sure. But you need to change back to your pants, you can’t wear the store’s pants in the bathroom.” explains JP. “Okay.” says Johnny and he goes back into his dressing room. “Oh crap!!” shouts Johnny. “What’s going on Johnny? Did you look at yourself in the mirror in the dressing room and see how ugly you really are?” shouts JP. “No! The zipper is stuck on this pants and I can’t get the pants off!” shouts Johnny. “Just pull them off then!” JP shouts back. “Oh double crap, I can’t the pants are too tight!!” screams Johnny. “Sucks for you, it’s not my problem Johnny.” says JP. Johnny screams, “I really need to go JP!!! Why does this have to happen to me!!!?” “Why does this have to happen to me!?” shouts JP as he gets out of his dressing room and opens the door to Johnny’s dressing room. “Get out of the dressing room and I’ll try to help you!” shouts JP.





“Aren slow down! You can’t run forever!” shouts Bobby. Aren begins to feel pain in he’s legs from running. Aren struggles to run but, he collapses and lands on someone’s lawn. “Aren, I’m sorry if I scared you, I just feel that if I want to make the most of my modeling career I should go to a place that specializes in modeling. And that’s what LA is all about. Aren don’t get upset.” says Bobby. “You are the only person I had that actually was like a brother to me. You know what, you just leave me. I’ll just live on this lawn for the rest of my life.” says Aren. “Aren no, I’m not going to leave you feeling like this.” explains Bobby. “Yes you are! And you’re going to go to LA and make the most of your modeling career.” yells Aren. “I’m not going to LA knowing you’re going to miss me like this. Let’s work this out.” says Bobby. “Go to LA and find yourself a new agent, I quit!!” yells Aren. Bobby looks at Aren lying on the grass looking up at the black sky. Bobby lies down next to him and says, “Can I make one last call on your cell phone before I leave?” Aren wipes a tear and hands Bobby the cell phone. Bobby dials a number. Bobby says, “You’re going to be my new agent Todd. Aren quit, can you tell Chad to come to pick us up at 1660 Hunt Street. Thanks Todd, bye.”





Bobby turns to Aren and says, “It doesn’t need to end this way. We can make it a happily ever after story.” “Shut up you jerk.” mumbles Aren. Bobby says, “Aren listen to me for just a second...” “Get of my property! I live here on this lawn now! Get away from me!” interrupts Aren. “Aren listen, I’ll be glad to pay the flight ticket for you and JP to go with me to LA. So stop moaning!” shouts Bobby. Aren’s eyes widen and he stands up quickly. “JP and I get to come with you!” shouts Aren. “Uh, yah!” says Bobby. Aren is about to hug Bobby when the front door of the house opens. “Get of my property you crazy girl scouts!!!” shouts Ms. Bo-bal-li, the librarian. Aren and Bobby run of the lawn and Chad comes right on time. They both hop in the car and Chad presses hard on the gas and he drives away quickly. “Girl scouts are mind washing poison sellers! They’re good for nothing! I wonder were my sister, Carmelita Bo-bal-li is. Teri, Sammy and Gwen, hurry up and get to bed you lazy girls!!” shouts Ms. Bo-bal-li.





JP and Johnny are struggling to get Johnny’s pants off. “Johnny why didn’t you get your size in pants!” shouts JP. “I did, but this pants run to small!” yells Johnny as he try as hard as he can to get the pants off. Ms. Bo-bal-li walks in and Johnny screams like a girl and covers his chest with a shirt. “Don’t you knock before you go into people’s rooms!” yells Johnny. “I’ve been getting complaints for the customers saying that there is a lot of screaming coming from in here!” shouts Ms. Bo-bal-li. Johnny says, “I need to go to the bathroom really bad and the zipper is stuck on these pants!” “Oh that’s an easy problem to solve quickly.” says Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Really, how?” asks Johnny. “Well it’s quite easy, the problem is that you’re to fat!!!” shouts Ms. Bo-bal-li “Well if your calling me fat, then you must be a whale! You are all blubber!!” Johnny shouts back. JP slowly heads out of the dressing room and leaves the store and walks to Hot Dog on a Stick. “You did not just call me a whale did you?” asks Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Crank up the hearing aid, old man!!!” shouts Johnny. “Stop with that calling me a man business! My upper lip isn’t fuzzy!” Ms. Bo-bal-li shouts. “You’re right it’s not. It’s not fuzz it’s a mustache!!!” Johnny yells. Ms. Bo-bal-li slaps Johnny and Johnny’s Ipod drops. “See what you did you bearded lady!!” yells Johnny. “Your odor is so bad it makes pigs nauseated!!!” Ms. Bo-bal-li screams. “If my odor makes pigs nauseated than you must be ready to throw up. I’m sure the costumers miss took you as Frankenstein!!” yells Johnny. “When your father first saw you he must have been mortified!” Ms. Bo-bal-li yells. “You use a guillotine to cut your toenails!” screams Johnny. “Shut up you sad accuse for an idiot!” shouts Ms. Bo-bal-li. Johnny bends over to pick up he’s Ipod and he’s pants fall down. “AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” they both scream. Ms. Bo-bal-li runs out of the dressing room screaming, “Oh, the horror! The horror! It burns! Where is my sister Cornelia Bo-bal-li?! I need her!” Johnny puts on he’s own pants and puts his nano in his pocket. “JP let’s go!” yells Johnny. Johnny turns around and sees that JP isn’t in the dressing room. Johnny walks out of the dressing room and Ms. Bo-bal-li gives him the evil eye as she calls her sister.





Johnny makes he’s way out of the store and the cashier says, “Have a nice day!” Johnny grins and waves good bye to the cashier. Johnny looks around and spots JP at Hot Dog on a Stick. “Why did you leave me with that overstuffed troll?” yells Johnny. “Why did Bobby leave me to hang out with a walking hamburger?” mumbles JP. “What did you say JP? I wasn’t listening.” asks Johnny. “Oh, uh, I said…I was hungry and I left to get food.” says JP. “Hold that thought I need to pee.” says Johnny. “Thank you for telling me that lovely image.” says JP sarcastically. “Your welcome!” says Johnny as he runs for the bathroom. He runs in the bathroom and goes into the stall. Johnny realizes he’s in the woman’s bathroom and runs out to go to the men’s bathroom. Johnny washes his hands after he goes to the bathroom and walks back to JP. “I bought you some clothes before I left DJV.” says JP as he hands a shopping bag to Johnny. “Thanks. Now let’s get home before Bobby does.” says Johnny as he runs out of the mall with JP.





Bobby, Chad, Todd, and Aren go to the outlet mall. They all get out of the car and go to DJV. The cashier says, “Good evening dudes, if you need anything just ask.” Bobby and Todd picks out some jeans and Chad looks at the sunglasses. “Aren and JZ I’ll be in the dressing room.” says Bobby. “Sure.” says Aren. “Yah whatever.” says JZ. Bobby goes to the dressing room and hands Ms. Bo-bal-li the clothes he picked out. Bobby stares at her upper lip as she mumbles how many jeans Bobby picked out. Ms. Bo-bal-li looks up and says, “What are you staring at?!?” “Uh nothing!” Bobby says quickly. She frowns at him and says, “I’m keeping an eye on you.” “Now a garden gnome with a mustache is going to ruin my day.” mumbles Bobby. “What did you say!?” says Ms. Bo-bal-li. Bobby says, “Um, I hope you have a good evening.” Ms. Bo-bal-li gives him an evil eye as she hands him a card with the number six on it. “I’m watching you.” she grunts. Bobby backs away slowly into the dressing room. He goes into a stall and changes into the first pair of pants. “Man, these sizes run small.” he says as he tries to button the jeans. He puts on his own pants and he gives all the pants to Ms. Bo-bal-li. “You don’t like our pants!?!” she yells. “Uh no no, it’s not like that. These pants run to small and they don’t fit me.” Bobby explains. “What you think you’re better than the pants now?!?” she asks. “No I don’t.” Bobby says. “Why do you break the hearts of these poor little pants?!” she asks. “They are inanimate objects, they have no feelings.” Bobby explains. “You are one cold blooded piece of dirt.” she says. “No one calls Bobby Jon Drinkard a piece of dirt, you demented hippo!!!” yells Bobby. Ms. Bo-bal-li says “You did not just call me a demented hippo!” “I could have called you a lab experiment that has gone horribly wrong or a walking mustache.” explains Bobby. “You are the most…… are you wearing watermelon scented cologne?” Ms. Bo-bal-li says. “Why yes it’s called, Experience by Bobby Jon Drinkard. In fact I am the creator of it. And I’m a male model.” says Bobby. “You don’t say. I must meet the creator of this wonderful product.” Ms. Bo-bal-li says. “You’re looking at him!!” Bobby says. “Where?” says Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Me you hairy hobbit!” yells Bobby. “Oh! You are to unintelligent to think of such a think.” Ms. Bo-bal-li says. Bobby drops to the floor choking. “What is going on?” shouts Ms. Bo-bal-li. “You’ve unleashed your odor among us all. Why would you do such a thing you repulsive werewolf?!” Bobby screams. “You are a stupid male model aren’t you?!?” says Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Hey, male models are not stupid!” says Bobby. “Oh yah, then prove it. What is 20% of 40?” asks Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Uh, hair mouse?” says Bobby. “Wrong, what is another word for feline?” asks Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Leather pants!” says Bobby. “Wrong, last question. What hair product do I have in my hair?” asks Ms. Bo-bal-li. “Extra strong, Garnier Fructis fiber gum putty with pliable molding. And you applied it in by taking three ounces of it and putting it in your towel dried hair. Started from the ends of your hair using a scrunching motion, and then you smeared the excess gel in your scalp.” says Bobby. “That was amazing!” says Ms. Bo-bal-li. “What was?” asks Bobby. “Your intelligences for hair products!” replies Ms. Bo-bal-li. “I’m lost can you say that again?” asks Bobby. “Never mind you are still stupid.” says Ms. Bo-bal-li.





“Ahhhhhhh!” Bobby screams as he runs to Chad. “Chad I need help. I need hair gel fast.” screams Bobby. “I’ll call Pierre Le Fargahsunces. He’ll get here fast.” says Todd. Two minutes later Pierre arrives. “What took you so long? It was like sixty days.” exclaims Bobby. “Lez us how do you say um z getz to work.” Pierre says. “Hurry!” Bobby screams. Pierre puts two ounces of gel in Bobby’s hair. “Voila, tiz magnific!” exclaims Pierre. Bobby walks out of DJV and sniffs the air. “I smell male model. Not just any male model I smell Spike Bartoletti.” Bobby says. Bobby walks up to Spike and says, “Hello, sp i ka bar to let i.” “Hello, bob e j on dr ink are duh.” says Spike. They both glare at each other. “Leather pants I see.” Spike says. Bobby says, “Snake skin pants I see. Fake snake skin pants.” “I don’t wear real animals.” says Spike. “Neither do I.” says Bobby as he glares at Spike’s awesome hair. Spike takes a comb out of his pocket and hands it to Bobby. “Serious mop top.” Spike says. Bobby looks in his mirror and sees his hair is fine. Spike puts the comb back in his pocket a takes out his mirror. Spike looks at himself. “I have spiky black hair, beautiful honey colored eyes, pure white straight teeth, a little tan gotta work on that tan, and a black shark tooth choker.” Spike says. “I have lovely dark brown hair, pretty brown eyes, a perfect shave, a beautiful tan, shell choker, and stunning white teeth.” Bobby says. Spike scowls and breaks his mirror. “Walk off Bobby. You and me at Runway Alley in LA. Be there on Friday.” Spike says. Spike stomps the ground with his boot. “Be afraid Bobby. Be very afraid.” And Spike walks away.



JP and Johnny reach the car in the outlet mall parking lot. Johnny stares at the driver’s seat. “Johnny, what’s the matter?” JP asks. “Uh.” Johnny says as he stands frozen. JP looks at the driver’s seat. “You left the keys in the car!?!!” JP screams. “Kind of.” Johnny squeaks. JP sees Bobby’s other car parked three cars away from them. “Bobby is here at the mall!” JP screams. “Uh.” Johnny says uncomfortably. “Johnny we need the keys.” JP says. “I’ll try to open the door.” Johnny says as he reaches in his pocket. “Oh yeah the keys are in the car.” Johnny says. “I hate you so much.” JP mumbles. “We’re dead.” sighs Johnny. “Really, is that so obvious?” screams JP. JP sits on the curb, and Johnny sits next to him. “How are we going to open the car?” asks JP. “I don’t know. The keys are in the car and the hood is on the car.” Johnny says. JP walks toward the car. Johnny opens the door on the driver’s side. “The car was unlocked the whole time!” shouts JP. “How was I suppose to know?!” shouts Johnny. JP sighs and calms down. “Just get in the car, Johnny. And everything will be okay.” JP says. Johnny slowly opens the car door. “Hurry up!” yells JP. Johnny quickly gets in the car and slams the door. “Johnny, it’s my turn to drive.” says JP. “Who opened the door?” Johnny asks. “You.” JP says. “That’s right.” Johnny says. JP says, “But...” Johnny starts the car. “What’s that JP? I can’t hear you over the roar of the engine!” Johnny jokes. “Shut up and drive.” JP says. Johnny shakes his head. “Whatever you say JP, whatever you say.” Johnny says. And Johnny drives the car out of the parking lot.





Bobby scowls as Spike walks away. “Aren, Todd, Chad, let’s go.” to be continued!


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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